Lifes a Beach Then You Die by Falafel Jones

Light hearted, murder mystery in Florida USA beach town

Lifes a beach then you die

Max Fried is a former computer forensic examiner who devotes his time to swimming, drinking and bathing in the hot Florida sun, but today… it’s a real killer. A murderer is coming his way. 

When a smooth-talking lawyer persuades Max to find a deceased client’s estate assets, Max takes the job, thinking it will be a snooze. Instead, an old killer with a new identity breaks into his home and steals the client's computer. 

Max doesn’t know the computer contains clues to a 20 year-old murder but then, the murdering thief doesn’t know Max stored a copy of the stolen computer on his iPod. Too bad for the bad guy, the copy contains evidence that could get him the death penalty. 

Now, Max is the last one alive who knows why people are dying. If he can outwit the killer, he can return to his bar stool on the beach. If not, he’ll be victim number five. 

Genre: FICTION / Mystery & Detective / General

Secondary Genre: HUMOR / General

Language: English


Word Count: 70,671

Sales info:

The English language version of this ebook has been available for free at Amazon for most of the time since I introduced it April 20, 2013. As of October 2013, over 40,000 copies have been downloaded.

Sample text:

I noticed them the moment we arrived. She was a busty blonde bursting from a blue bikini and holding a lipstick stained cigarette. He looked like a handsome Irish football player grown older and puffy, a scotch glass a fixture in his hand. Besides Jack, the owner-bartender, they were the only ones there.

While we sat outside on bar stools admiring the ocean, Jack brought my AmberBock draught and Mariel’s vodka tonic.

I said, “Thanks,” and when I lifted my chilled mug, condensation dripped onto my crotch. I decided to sit until it dried.

Jack wiped the wet spot on the counter and leaned forward on his hands. “Max, we’ve been waiting for you.”

“Who? Me?”

“Yeah, I know you come in about now, so I told them to wait.”

Mariel and I turned to each other and then to Jack. Sometimes, you couldn’t tell when he was kidding.

Jack AKA Jack Jr. worked at Bobbi and Jack’s Beachside Patio since childhood. He claims to have been born behind the bar here when his dad ran it and where allegedly, his pregnant mother, Bobbi, served drinks until and immediately after she dropped him. He sometimes told gullible customers his real name is Jack Daniel’s for the drink his Mom had on her tray at the time.

“Guys, I don’t want to impose,” Jack raised an eyebrow, “one of my lunch regulars needs a hand. Maybe you can help. Ed’s a local lawyer. I think he’s semi-retired,” Jack pointed down the bar to the man and the woman.

She could be either a good-looking older woman who appeared younger or a haggard younger woman who appeared older. It was hard to tell. Whatever her age, I’d say she was fond of the man she sat with. Her hands lingered on him whenever possible.

Book translation status:

The book is available for translation into any language except those listed below:

Already translated. Translated by Ute Hütten
Author review:
Ute was great to work with. She met all deadlines, corrected my mistakes and demonstrated a great sense of humor. I would be very pleased for her to translate the second book in the Max Fried Beach series.
Already translated. Translated by Valeria Poropat and Marta Pizzini
Author review:
Valeria and her editor Marta impressed me because even though I don't speak Italian, I could see that they preserved the alliteration that I had created in the opening lines of my book. They completed their work on a mutually agreed schedule and Valeria was pleasant and professional in all communications. I only communicated with Valeria and she helped with marketing by developing an Italian title that could resonate better with Italian readers.
Already translated. Translated by Marta Araújo
Author review:
I don't speak Portuguese so I can't address the quality of the translation but I found it easy to work with Marta. She was especially helpful in providing a Portuguese title for the book. I'd work with her again.
Already translated. Translated by Nagore Andres Lorenzo
Author review:
My wife speaks Spanish and she was very pleased with Nagore's translation. Nagore completed her work on a mutually agreed schedule and was pleasant and professional in all communications. She helped with marketing by developing a Spanish title that could resonate better with Spanish readers. Her enthusiasm for working on the book was apparent in all of our messaging.
Already translated. Translated by Nurcan Onaran
Author review:
Nurcan was great to work with. I'm so pleased that she agreed to also translate the second book in the Max Fried "Beach" series.

Would you like to translate this book? Make an offer to the Rights Holder!