"
"That is the new self-proclaimed "Master of Cockland".We used to have a lion, but he got caught up in a gambling issue with a horny owl, so now we have a....... squirrel =/ "
"I can understand how that might become bothersome, Schniggschnor. I'm Dave, by the way. So, what's wrong with having a squirrel?"
A sadness filled her eyes and the soul of the land responded to her by beckoning the onset of precumrainstorm in the dark sky above. "You see those dark clouds above?"
"Yes," I responded.
"Well, when the Squirrel took the Throne of Cockland, he cast a treacherous spell that spilt into the heart and soul of any creature that resented him, and also the yolk of the lands from which they hail."
"Why, that's awful," I said.
"Yes, extremely sad, due to the fact that this was once a very horny place. Creatures of all shapes and sizes used to fuck endlessly in every possible way, in every orifice, day-in, day-out.. But ever since that dirty little squirrel took control, the every bird and mammal in the whole of Cockland has become either impotent or infertile.."
"Well, I thought the squirrel seemed like a pretty decent bloke," I exclaimed.
She smiled. "And that's where you come into this, Dave. Only you can finish this, Dave, as only you are still sexually active. Everyone else hates that Squirrel and has thus become fuckless due to his curse. But as you are an outsider, you must perform an act more sinister than sex to break the curse. May I take you somewhere Dave; its a special place.." I nodded.
She took my hand, and we walked through meadow and moor, talking of history and the nature of Cockland, from the frog of wartlust to the porcupine of analisciousness. We reached a high clifftop, and she beckoned me the edge. I looked over and saw far into the distance, to the edge of Cockland, and to the sea of seminal fluid beyond. I longed to bathe in that cummy sea. There is old legend that the gods shot their sweet juice into that basin many eras ago, and that the particles that make up the pungent substance have heaing properties. And that was when Schniggschnor caught my eye.
"Dave," she croaked. "My time has come. I must fulfil my requirements, as the Squirrel of Assjuice will return to bring darkness over the Cockland once more....... look, there's the furry little weirdo now." And sure enough, far in the distance, the squirrel sat squatted on a mangy little rock, snuffing around with a pair of binoculars.
"His eyedevice was crafted from the rectums of Nipplelfkin," Schniggschnor informed me. "But you see, the only way to break the curse, is for you to abuse me in every way possible. This is the dark law of Squirrelkin, and that little cunt has gone and stuck it on me." She handed me a serated blade endowed with rubies taken from only the wisest and eldest of the testicutrees. "Cut me Dave, from my anal cavity, down to the vaginal entrance, and over my clitoris and inner lips."
End of Part One..
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