"Ashley, I have to talk to you. I have been waiting for weeks, trying to get up the nerve to talk to you.", I told her.
"What about ?", she asked, not looking up.
"I don’t think I have to tell you what about. You know as well as I do.", I replied quickly.
"No, not really.", she responded.
"Alright then, here it is. I want to be with you, I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of playing games, I’m not a child. I am almost positive I am in love with you. You’re all I think of all day, every day.", I told her.
"Oh ………. That’s not what I expected.", she said softly, her eyes barely meeting mine.
"What did you expect ?", I asked her.
"You’re in love with me ?", she asked, wide eyed.
"You know very well that I am. You’re around me enough to be able to know.", I answered.
"Is this because of what happened that night on the sofa ?", she inquired, an embarrassed look on her face.
"No not completely. I have felt this way for a very long time now. That night just seemed to make it seem possible.", I replied.
"Brian, I have given this quite a bit of thought. There is absolutely no way we could live together as man and woman. This town would go crazy, I am sure I would lose my job at school. People would think that something had been going on between us for years. I just can’t take that chance.", she said softly.
"So we move Ashley, no big deal. If I get drafted next month, I am leaving anyway. Come with me, no one knows us or our past. You can teach anywhere, you’re certified.", I answered.
"It’s not that simple Brian. I like it here, I have tenure at the school. I’m not sure I want to leave here.", she told me.
I was getting frustrated and I was getting there fast. I didn’t want to get upset, I didn’t want to come across as a child to Ashley, in fact that’s the exact thing I was trying to avoid. I wanted her to see me as a man, one who loved her as a woman.
"Ash, I have to be honest, I’m not sure I can continue to live this way.", I said, sincerely.
"I don’t quite know how to answer that Brian. I really don’t.", she said, her voice sober and calm.
"It’s not that difficult Ashley, I don’t think it is anyway. We are either together completely or if not, nothing ever happens again between us.", I replied
.
For the first time since I had brought up the topic, I saw a serious change in Ashley’s demeanor. She tilted her head sideways, raising her brow at me, a frown forming on her face.
"Brian, that sounds like you’re threatening me. Is that what you’re doing?", she asked.
"Ashley, I am not threatening you. All I am saying is I have these incredible feelings for you. I either have to act on them or bury them. There is no in between for me.", I told her.
"I’m sorry Brian, I just don’t see how what you want is possible at this time.", she softly shot back.
"Fair enough.", I answered, pushing myself away from the table.
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