"
"Then tell me about love. What is love to you?" I decided to let her get all of her thoughts out, since she clearly had something to say about it.
"Love to me is this … sort of insane, almost contrarian thing. Love is something you have in spite of everything else. When I was a girl, my dad brought home a cat, Jalal. And mom didn’t like it because it was a bit … well, you know the jokes you read online about cats? He was a lot like that. Stand-offish and extraordinarily narcissistic. But I loved him. Really, I did. I was the only one whom he listened to towards the end, would always follow me around. He liked to listen to my voice. But, if I’m honest, he was a bit of an asshole towards everyone else."
As she paused for thought, I just waited, interested to see where this was going.
"He was already five or maybe older when dad brought him. Cats don’t live very long, you see. He died a few years ago now. And I was really heart broken.
And, in a way, that kind of sums up love. It’s tangible, emotional attachment that – when it’s broken – hurts as badly as if something physical broke.
I know you are a bit emotionally detached, it must sound very silly."
"I am emotionally detached?" I asked, perplexed. "I am very emotional. I am so emotional that blinking gives me mood swings. I am so emotional that if I was the ice berg that Titanic hit, everyone would have survived but also gotten married then and there."
"I don’t understand the analogy." Sveta admitted, "But I was thinking more of traditional emotional responses. Somehow, you can make a joke out of anything. It’s like you’re bullet-proof with a snarky shield around you."
"Ok, but let’s not make this about me." I decided to turn this ship around before we went aground on shores where *my* monsters lived. "So you feel that love is that kind of traditional feeling? But I said that I was fine if you feel that you love me now. I just know that we’re really fucking young. I have never even paid taxes. One day, maybe long after we’ve started paying taxes, it’s reasonable to think that we would stop loving each other. People change. You are not the person you were when you were five, right? Or I hope not, otherwise I should be in jail.
That five year old is dead. And had she been alive, I wouldn’t be banging her. As time goes on, everything changes. The people we are right now won’t exist tomorrow. And since they are different people, we can’t really assume that they will love each other. We don’t know those people. We just know each other. Right now."
"You’re freaking me out." Sveta said, then laughed shakily. "But you love me now?"
"Fuck it. Yeah, I do." I said, and turned over, with Sveta falling off of me. "I do so much right now. It’s not just the sex. It’s the whole situation. It’s so weird. But it’s also kind of liberating. I just feel so good with you right now that yes, I love you."
"What if we get hurt?" she asked.
"Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?"
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