I could lose my job; I probably would. They weren’t required to accept everybody; they didn’t have to let me keep my job. I had worked there for three years; it was decent money and a fun job.
I took another step.
When the Boy Scouts found out, I would be stripped of my position. I loved working with the Boy Scout troop. I was an assistant scoutmaster, having turned eighteen a few months prior. I had been with that troop since the first grade; being forced to leave would hurt more than a little.
I took another step.
I told myself what I was doing was for the best. I sat on the stair I had just left. I was a few steps from the bottom of the staircase. I sat for a few minutes, gathering my strength. My cat walked up and I sat for a few seconds scratching his head. I touched my forehead to his and he pushed his against mine. He walked up a few steps and plopped down behind my back, almost as if he was urging me to get up and carry on.
I got up, scratched his head, and walked down the remaining stairs. Mom was sitting on the computer, playing her Facebook farming game. She had headphones in her ears; she was listening to a vampire novel. She hated being interrupted when she listened to her novels.
My courage waivered, they might be willing to understand if I told them I was just gay, but they would never understand this; they would view this on a whole other level of abomination. They would kick me out; I would never see my family again. I would never watch Trevor accomplish all that he was destined to accomplish. I wanted to tell her so much. I wanted my parents to know and still love me. I wanted to scream it to the world. I needed acceptance from the two people who probably wouldn’t give it.
I had stood there too long. My mom looked up and paused her novel as she took off her headphones. "What do you want?" she asked, obviously annoyed that I had interrupted her novel.
"I just wanted to tell you good night." I lied.
"Good night," she replied; she must have thought something was up. I hadn’t come down simply to tell her good night in a few years. I had failed.
A Note from the Author:
I won’t say that it gets better; I don’t know this myself yet and it doesn’t always get better, that’s not how the world works. Just be yourself; if you wall yourself inside your mind by thinking the world will deny you, then you will deny yourself. If the people around you won’t accept you when you have accepted yourself then they aren’t worth it. A human life is a human life and remains as such regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender identity, biological gender, deformity, religious beliefs, or any other views. Regardless of anything, a human being is a human being. You are a human being; don’t allow others to treat you as if you are not. It does not matter who someone is, treating another person as inhuman is a terrible thing. Tell someone; find someone you trust, and tell them; most likely they will get you to help
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